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6 habits that lead even perfect couples to divorce

Confidence is an attitude, a way of life, a way of seeing yourself and seeing the world. But confidence doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people. The good news is, it can be developed by implementing a few key habits that highly confident people tend to have. These 8 habits can make even the most self-conscious person feel confident, with practice.

The way we talk to ourselves, about ourselves and to other people can make a huge difference to our confidence. Call it a manifestation, if you like: What you think and say becomes what you are! Instead of talking about your life or goals in terms of ‘if’, start talking in terms of ‘when’. Try it for yourself:

Instead of “If I could just get that promotion” say “WHEN I get that promotion”.

Instead of “If I can just get fitter” say “WHEN I get fitter.”

The same goes for saying ‘I want’. Try replacing it with ‘I will’ for example:

Instead of “I want to be more confident” say “I AM confident, capable and sure of myself!”

Instead of “I want to be better at XYZ” say “With practice I AM GOING TO BE GREAT at XYZ and I’ll keep getting better!”

Sometimes, you might feel as though you’re trying to fool yourself into believing something that simply isn’t true (“I am a great surfer!”), but you’d be surprised just how big of an effect this simple habit can make on your life. Try it today and see the difference it makes.

Woody Allen once said that 80% of success was just showing up. There are many people who sit around dreaming about the day they’ll write that book, change their job, get fit or be happier (read our earlier blog on why searching for happiness isn’t the answer). But the one key difference between those who make their goals a reality and those who don’t – isn’t talent or willpower or skill, it is showing up. Want to be fitter? Make it to the gym each week, even when you don’t feel like it. Want to feel more fulfilled? Go and see a life coach and really do something about it! Want to write that book? Sit down in front of the computer every night and don’t stop until you’ve written another 3 pages. Showing up won’t guarantee you success all on its own, but not showing up will guarantee you DON’T succeed, that’s for sure!

Being highly confident and being arrogant are two completely different things. Being arrogant means thinking you’re more important, more intelligent, more worthy that someone else. It means not being willing to admit that you’re wrong and not being able to take criticism well. Being highly confident, on the other hand, means being confident enough in yourself to admit when you could be doing better, or that you can always improve. A habit that highly confident (remember, not arrogant) people exhibit is a constant desire to better themselves. Whether that be through further education or training, in keeping up to date with industry relevant news at work, or with always trying to do ‘one better’ each time something doesn’t go their way. Even when they think they’ve nailed something, a highly confident person will be on the lookout for ways that they can do even better next time.

Now, this is a mantra we’ve heard over and over again. And it can be easier said than done, especially if you’re a particularly anxious person. Worrying about small things is a habit that many of us have, whether we realise it or not. Something that highly confident people do better than others is to differentiate between the ‘small stuff’ that’s not worth stressing over, and the stuff that actually is. There’s the old adage ‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’ You see it hanging on kitchen walls, bathroom stalls and office desks the world over. And for good reason – a happy side effect of becoming more confident is learning to be less anxious. The two go hand in hand.

Highly confident people have a habit of recognising the good in others and in not being afraid to mention it. Even if you’re still working on being more confident and are only just starting to develop these behaviours, this particular habit is not only easy to implement, but will instantly begin to make you feel great. The next time you bump into a colleague at work, another mum at the school pickup, or a family member at the weekend’s BBQ, try telling them something you appreciate about them. It’s an instant pick-me-up and will have surprising effects on your confidence. Another happy side effect? People like being around people that make them feel good.

The people we surround ourselves with can have a huge impact on the way we feel about ourselves, as we discussed in our recent article about how to attract the right kind of people into your life. You don’t need to surround yourself with board members if you want to become a CEO one day, but you do need to surround yourself with the kinds of friends and family who build you up and improve your confidence. Have a think about the kind of people you have in your life now. Are they helping you to be the person you want to be?

Highly confident people are not afraid of admitting they’re wrong, in fact, they embrace it. A highly confident person is the one you’ll see at the meeting who says “sorry Joe, that was my fault. I didn’t see your email,” or after an argument saying, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I didn’t realise it would hurt your feelings.” Admitting when you’re wrong takes courage and means knowing that being wrong now and then doesn’t make you less worthy, but gives you a chance to learn. Taking responsibility goes hand in hand with the habits of seeing the value in others, in always improving and in not sweating the small stuff.

8. Knowing when to ask for help

Highly confident people, as we’ve already discussed, don’t know it all. And they’re willing to admit when they’re wrong. Another important habit of all highly successful people is knowing when to ask for help. Whether that’s help at work with a project that you’re struggling with or help around the house when it’s all become too much, asking for help can actually make everyone’s life easier – including the lives of those you’re asking for help from! Nobody wants to see you struggle, and it can add stress to those around you. If you’re struggling with something like low low self-esteem, depression,stress, or anxiety, we’ve got a range of programs which are designed to assist you.

Do you think you’ve got what it takes to be a highly confident person? Of course, if you’re someone with low self-esteem and self-worth, you might be telling yourself ‘no, I’m not’. But don’t worry. We have it in all of us to be confident people, it just takes consistent practice and acting with positive intention. Start working these 7 simple habits into your life today, and you’ll be amazed at the difference it makes. And if you need some extra help, don’t be afraid to get in touch. Our services have helped countless people to be the best they can be over the years, and we’d love to help you too!

Michelle van Namen
Author: Michelle van Namen