Bouncing Back After a Setback: A Psychologist’s Guide to Getting Your Groove Back

If you’re struggling to get your groove back after a setback, you’re not alone, and you’re not doing anything wrong. At Integrated Health Specialists, I work with clients navigating exactly this, often through both psychology and life coaching. In this guide, I’ll walk you through six psychology-backed steps for genuinely bouncing back after a setback, plus how to tell when what you’re feeling might need more than self-help.

What you’ll learn about bouncing back after a setback

• Six practical, research-informed steps for recovering after a setback
• Why self-compassion works better than self-criticism when things go wrong
• How to turn a big, overwhelming setback into small, achievable next steps
• The warning signs that a setback might be tipping into something bigger, like anxiety or depression
• How life coaching and psychology can support you in getting back on track

First: An Important Note

If you’re reading this article, you might be searching for help at a time that’s incredibly stressful, or even desperate, for you. If you’re feeling at risk, it’s important that you call for help as soon as possible. You can contact Lifeline Australia at any time, on 13 11 14. Or, call 000 for crisis support. 

If you’re not at a crisis point right now, but you’re feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed due to suffering a setback, I have an important message for you: 

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

It’s true. This feeling you’re having right now, like all other feelings, is temporary. Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or hopeless is not something that lasts forever. And I know, because I’ve been there myself. 

This is not aimed at dismissing your feelings or invalidating them, though! In fact, it’s the opposite. What you’re feeling right now is very real, and very worth recognising. However, I find it’s really common for people (and I have been one of them!) to feel this way, and become quite desperate, imagining that it’s never going to get any better. 

And I need you to know that it can, and will, pass. So, take a few deep, long breaths, it will help. Once you’ve done that, and you feel your heart rate start to settle down, and your breathing has come to a more calm, steady pace, keep reading. 

Ready? Let’s go.  

1. Stop beating yourself up about it

Whether the setback you’ve experienced came about through your own actions or something entirely outside of your control, the first step is to stop giving yourself such a hard time about it. We all suffer setbacks throughout our lives, and even the best-laid plans sometimes go awry. Experts agree that the way you talk to yourself in these moments genuinely matters. Harsh, self-critical inner dialogue, thoughts like ‘I always mess things up’, tends to lower your confidence and increase stress, while more compassionate self-talk, such as ‘this is hard, but I’m handling it’, helps you stay motivated and in control. Practising self-compassion here doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means talking to yourself the way you’d talk to a good friend going through the same thing.

Don’t believe me? Try it. Imagine a good friend came to you with what you’re going through now. How would you talk to them? What advice would you give? 

2. Realise that it happens to everyone

One of the most comforting things to learn is just how common setbacks are. Think of three people you genuinely admire, and you can bet each of them has weathered a significant setback at some point. Speaking openly with people you trust about what you’re going through can help you see just how universal this experience is. More often than not, they’ll have setback stories of their own to share. Once you start to recognise that you’re far from alone in this, the sense of defeat tends to lessen. This idea, that struggle and imperfection are part of being human rather than evidence of personal failure, is one of the most consistent findings in psychological research on coping well with hard times.

3. Get back on the horse, one small step at a time

Don’t let your setback stop you from taking action toward your goals. Whether you missed out on a promotion, or an injury has put certain plans on hold, there’s no better time than now to start moving forward again, even in small ways. Healthdirect Australia recommends breaking large, overwhelming goals into smaller, specific and achievable steps. Rather than a vague intention like ‘get my career back on track’, a more workable first step might be ‘update my resume this week’ or ‘walk for twenty minutes, three days this week’. Taking one realistic step at a time helps you feel a genuine sense of achievement and prevents the overwhelm that so often causes people to give up before they’ve properly started.

4. Learn and grow stronger

Setbacks have a way of teaching us things about ourselves that we could never otherwise have known, but only if we’re willing to look at them honestly, without spiralling into guilt or blame. Take a moment to reflect on what led to your setback and what you might do differently next time. Did stress and overcommitment push you to breaking point? That’s a useful signal that self-care and boundaries need more attention. Were you let down by someone you trusted? That’s an invitation to rebuild your sense of your own capability, independent of anyone else. Whatever has happened, there are genuine lessons to take with you, and working through them tends to leave people stronger and more self-aware than they were before.

5. Adapt and thrive

Has something shifted in your life that’s genuinely irreversible? Perhaps an injury or illness has had a lasting effect on your health, and adjustments to your lifestyle are now part of the picture. Bouncing back from a setback doesn’t always mean the obstacle disappears entirely. In the case of illness or significant life change, some of what you’re facing may be something you live with going forward. One of the most fundamental aspects of human psychology is our capacity to adapt. Learning to work around new challenges, rather than waiting for life to return exactly to how it was, can be genuinely rewarding, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. Revisit your goals, adjust them to reflect your changed circumstances, and take the next step from there.

6. Get support

This is a message worth repeating: you don’t have to do this alone. So many people avoid asking for help because they don’t want to be a burden, or because they quietly believe their struggle isn’t ‘serious enough’ to warrant support. What I teach clients at Integrated Health Specialists is that you are worthy of support, and that you already hold much of what you need to move forward. Sometimes, though, a setback benefits from an outside perspective and some structured help getting there.

Our Personal Breakthrough Program was designed specifically for moments like this. This intensive program combines life coaching with therapeutic techniques to help you identify the thoughts, patterns and behaviours holding you back, and build practical strategies to move past them. If you’re ready to rebuild your confidence and momentum after a setback, this is a genuinely good place to start.

When a setback might be something bigger

Most setbacks resolve with time, self-compassion and small, consistent action. But sometimes what looks like a slow recovery is actually the beginning of something more significant, like depression or anxiety. It may be worth speaking with a psychologist if, several weeks on from your setback, you notice:

• Persistent low mood, hopelessness, or a loss of interest in things you’d normally enjoy
• Ongoing sleep disruption, appetite changes, or fatigue that isn’t explained by anything else
• Constant worry or dread that doesn’t ease, even once practical steps have been taken
• Withdrawing from friends, family or activities you used to value
• A persistent sense of worthlessness or self-blame that doesn’t soften over time

If any of this sounds familiar, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed at bouncing back, it means your nervous system and mindset may need more support than self-help strategies alone can offer. A psychologist can help you work through what’s going on and build an evidence-based path forward, alongside, or instead of, the steps above. If low self-esteem has become part of the picture, that’s also very treatable with the right support.

A Gold Coast client’s experience

I think of a client, a tradesman in his late thirties from Robina, let’s call him Robert*.

Robert came to see me after a workplace injury ended his physical ability to continue in the trade he’d built his identity around for nearly twenty years. In our early sessions, he described feeling like he’d lost not just his job, but his sense of who he was. Does this sound familiar to you? If so, keep reading, and know that you’re not alone! 

Robert and I worked through the grief of that loss first, before moving into practical, values-based goal setting around what a new chapter could look like for him. Eighteen months on, he’d retrained in a related field and told me the setback, whilst genuinely awful at the time, had forced him to reconsider a path he’d been avoiding for years. Not every setback leads somewhere better, and that’s an important thing to acknowledge too, but with the right support, most people find their way back to solid ground.

Just think of all the setbacks you’ve experienced in your life so far. Do you know what they all have in common? You’ve made it through every single one of them. So, if you’re experiencing a setback right now, just know, you’ll make it through this one too. And this time, after reading this article, you’re going to have some tools and support that you didn’t have before. 

Support at Integrated Health Specialists

At Integrated Health Specialists, my holistic approach draws on both psychology and life coaching, so whether your setback calls for evidence-based therapy, practical goal-setting support, or a genuine combination of both, we can tailor an approach to suit you. If you’re also noticing signs that broader support might help, our article on 6 signs you need a life coach is a useful next read, as is our guide on how to build resilience for ongoing, everyday coping skills. Whatever you’re working through, get in touch today to find out how we can help you move forward.

FAQs about bouncing back after a setback

How long does it take to recover from a setback?

This varies significantly depending on the nature of the setback and your circumstances. Some people notice a shift in perspective within weeks, while more significant setbacks, such as job loss or a major health change, can take months to fully work through. There’s no fixed timeline, and giving yourself permission to move at your own pace is part of the process.

What’s the difference between resilience and bouncing back from a setback?

Resilience is a broader, ongoing capacity to cope with life’s challenges as they arise. Bouncing back from a setback is more specific: it’s the process of working through a particular event, like a job loss, breakup or health scare, and finding your footing again. The two are related, but the practical steps for recovering from a specific setback are often more concrete and immediate.

Is it normal to feel stuck after a setback?

Yes, completely. Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, low in motivation, or unsure of your next step is a very common response to a setback. It doesn’t mean you’re failing to cope. If that stuck feeling persists for several weeks without easing, it may be worth speaking with a psychologist to understand what’s keeping you there.

Should I see a life coach or a psychologist after a setback?

It depends on what you’re experiencing. If you’re broadly functioning well but want structured support to rebuild momentum, direction or confidence, life coaching can be a great fit. If you’re noticing persistent low mood, anxiety or other symptoms that are affecting your daily life, a psychologist is the more appropriate starting point. Many clients benefit from both, which is one reason we offer them together at Integrated Health Specialists.

Can a setback actually lead to something positive?

For many people, yes, though this isn’t guaranteed and it’s not something to force. Some people find that a setback prompts a genuine reassessment of their goals, values or direction that they may not have otherwise made. This is sometimes referred to as post-traumatic growth. It’s not about finding a silver lining straight away, but rather something that can emerge over time, with the right support. Like it or not, often from our biggest crises comes our biggest learnings!

What if my setback keeps happening, or I keep facing new ones?

Facing repeated setbacks can be particularly exhausting and disheartening. If this sounds like your situation, it’s worth speaking with a psychologist to look at whether there are underlying patterns, in your circumstances, your decision-making, or your mental health, that are worth addressing directly, rather than continuing to manage each setback in isolation.

Other helpful articles

• 7 Stress Relief Techniques That Actually Work
• Procrastination and Anxiety: How to Break the Cycle
• Counselling for Older Adults: Why It’s More Important Than Ever
• Midlife Crisis Counselling on the Gold Coast
• Everyday Issues: What a Counsellor Can Help With
• 6 Signs You Need a Life Coach

This information is for educational purposes and does not replace professional advice. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact emergency services or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

*The client’s name and details have been altered or blended to protect client confidentiality.