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Are you a people pleaser?

As solutions-focused practitioners, we are in the business of helping people to find real and meaningful solutions to the problems facing them. From learning to manage relationships, to building self-confidence and even overcoming trauma, we are concerned with helping people to improve their quality of life. However, living your best life is not solely an internal pursuit. Building a happy, healthy and fulfilled life involves surrounding yourself with the right kind of people. People who support and encourage you, challenge you and inspire you, are the kind of people who help you to be the best version of yourself. But how do you attract these kinds of people into your life? Whether it’s in business, in your friendships, or your partnerships, we’ve got 6 top tips for attracting the right kind of people into your life: and they all follow the same rules.

Attracting the right kind of people into your life involves first understanding yourself. What kind of people do you normally attract and why? Do you gravitate towards people who tell you what you want to hear, for better or worse? Or perhaps you’re prone to becoming friends with fickle fair-weather friends who are a lot of fun to be around, but not so great for you in times of need? It’s important to understand why you find these kinds of people coming into your life time and time again, and also understand why they’re not great for you. ‘Yes’ people in your life can stop you from challenging yourself and striving to learn from your mistakes, for example. Whereas negative people in your life, who continually put you down (even jokingly), can badly affect your self-esteem and hold you back from reaching your full potential. Understanding yourself better and understanding what kind of people are good for you is the first step in attracting the right kind of people into your life. Once you’ve explored this, you can make yourself a list of ‘criteria’ for the kind of people you want in your life.

Once you understand yourself and the kinds of people you need in your life, it’s important to be very specific and intentional about bringing those people into your life. Living your life with intention is critical to so many aspects of being happy and healthy, and it’s just as important when it comes to attracting the right people into your life. Having intention means being on the lookout for these types of people and keeping your ‘criteria’ in mind when meeting new people. Of course, getting to know people is key, and it can be hard to make a judgement about someone from a first meeting, which leads us to our next point…

We all hear that you should never judge a book by it’s cover, and that’s certainly something to keep in mind. However, there are some key characteristics that you should be on the lookout for, when you’re on a mission to attract the right kind of people into your life. Things to be wary of, right from the first meeting include:

  • Someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, even if you can’t explain why
  • Someone who puts others down, even jokingly (a strong sign of an insecure person who may detract from your life rather than add to it)
  • A person who has few long-term friends (although not necessarily always the case, this can be a sign that someone has trouble maintaining friendships)
  • In terms of professional relationships, someone who lacks a strong network or has poor relationships with their previous employers, employees or colleagues

On the other hand, there are a few characteristics that can indicate a person could be good for you, including:

  • Someone who is genuinely curious about you and interested in your thoughts/opinions/conversation
  • Someone who has a strong group of friends
  • Someone who’s other connections are people that you admire and respect
  • Someone who immediately makes you feel heard, respected and positive

It’s very hard to attract new people into your life – be they good or bad for you – if you’re not easy to be found! If you’re used to attracting the wrong kind of partner into your life because you tend to meet them at the pub on a Saturday night, then it’s time to start turning up at the right kinds of locations. Do you want to meet someone who’s interested in the same kinds of things that you are? Try attending events and social gatherings that are likely to attract the kind of people you’re looking for. And don’t be afraid to try something new – after all, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. There are plenty of online platforms which can make it easier to meet like-minded people (Meetup, for example), so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and try something new.

Despite the fact that you’re aware of needing new people in your life and you’re being intentional about attracting the right kind of people into your life, it can be difficult to be open about it. Be sure to keep an eye on your behaviours and emotions and look out for signs of standoffishness. If you’ve been wary of the kind of people that you’ve previously let into your life, you might be a little reserved without even realising it. An effective way to get in touch with your emotions and understand your unconscious and conscious behaviours is to speak to a counsellor. Your counsellor can uncover deep, underlying behavioural patterns that have been undermining your efforts to surround yourself with the right people for years. They’ll also help you to develop new habits and behaviours which assist you in your search for the right people. Furthermore, you can get some truly meaningful help with overcoming any self-esteem and self-worth issues that you’ve been facing. You’d be surprised just how much our own self-worth plays a role in the type of people we’re willing to accept into our lives.

When meeting new people make sure you are being you!  If you are putting on a facade or trying to please others, you are starting off on the wrong foot because as soon as you do this you are focusing on impressing them instead of being true to yourself.  This will always lead to inauthentic relationships and ones based on a very weak foundation.  If you are being the real you, and people are attracted to you – they will be the friends worth pursuing!

If you’re ready to start attracting the right kind of people into your life, now’s the time to take action. At Integrated Health Specialists, we’re able to assist you with developing techniques and identifying the behaviours that can ultimately have you attracting great new people into your life. Get in touch with us today to find out more!

Michelle van Namen
Author: Michelle van Namen